Friday, November 18, 2011

Parlor Games For Comics Enthusiasts

Congratulations! You're having a dinner party! What? What do you mean you're not having a dinner party? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! I already RSVPed and bought a dress and told you (I told you) I'd be bringing the wine!

So it's settled! You're having a dinner party! What a mad tasteful way to spend an evening!

But what's that you say? You don't know what to do to keep your guests entertained, apart from feeding a meticulously chosen and lovingly prepared selection of dishes? Don't worry, broseph. (May I call you "broseph"? *polishes monocle while awaiting an answer*) I have compiled a number of delightful games to amuse the elite group you have invited to dinner.

(Presented to you in no particular order.)

DC Exposition: Maybe you all know each other, maybe you don't. Either way, you sure will by the time you finish this amusing game! You have one hour to carry on a conversation as a group. The goal is to reveal as much information about the history and relationships of yourself and the other guests within this time. No direct questions may be asked pertaining to these matters. All information must be delivered in expository style. 1 point for everything you reveal about yourself. 2 points for everything you reveal about someone else (discretion advised). 3 points for every relationship you explicate. Subtlety encouraged but not rewarded. Tally the points at the end of the hour. Whoever has the most, wins! Their prize to be determined by the editors of DC Comics.

Example of gameplay: "I should know a thing or two about untenable roommate situations! After all, when X and I lived together two years ago, we were always at each other's throats. Luckily, we remain friends to this day."

Model X-Men: Everyone writes down the names of several noted mutants and puts them into a hat. Each guest then draws out a name (discard and redraw if it is a duplicate name). The name they have drawn is their character. Assuming their respective characters roles, you will all form a model mutant U.N. and proceed to sit around the table debating policy. At some point someone will get angry and start banging their shoe on the table because that joke will never die. Let's be real, the winner is whoever opts for the eradication of humans, I'm sorry, but that's just probably what it's gonna come to, you know? Prize is a dystopian alternate future.

Example of gameplay: *Magneto walks around the table collecting everyone's forks, returns to his seat holding all the forks, glowers threateningly* (I don't think I know how diplomacy works???)

HULK SMASH: Just something to yell if you accidentally break a glass or whatever. No winners, obviously.

"I've Taken the Liberty": In this game, everyone is Alfred Pennyworth. The goal is to be the best butler to Bruce Wayne as you possibly can, and as everyone knows, that means anticipating his every need! Therefore, you will each take turns telling Master Bruce what you've taken the liberty of doing to make his life a little better. The person with the best answer gets to help clear the table because they have proven themselves such a talented servant.

Example of gameplay: "Master Bruce, I've noticed you seem a little bored and restless lately, so I've taken the liberty of removing the lids from all the vats of acid in Gotham City." (Credit to one Vince Reyes, who has neither a blog nor a Twitter to link to. PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.)

Daredevil Murder Mystery: Basically just the same as those murder mystery parties, except you have to solve it blindfolded and then actually convict the murderer in a court of law. Winner is whoever accomplishes this, and their prize is having Mark Waid finally giving them a fucking break from their years of unrelenting misery.

Example of gameplay: "Counsel requests another drink?" (Just because you're solving a high-stakes murder mystery doesn't mean it's not still a party!)

Frank Miller Screed: Each guest at the table is assigned a number, one through however many guests you have in total. Each guest's number represents the order in which they will take on the role of Frank Miller. A series of timers/alarms is set, such that one will go off every twenty minutes. Conversation goes on as normal. When the timer goes off, the guest whose turn it is to be Frank Miller will respond directly to the topic of conversation immediately preceding the timer with a hateful rant. Any guest who fails to mention Al Qaeda in their rant will be disqualified. Game goes on until everyone has had a chance to be Frank Miller. Whoever has the angriest and most Milleresque rant will be determined the winner, and their prize will be the disappointment and outrage of the other guests, tempered by a grudging respect for the winner's (still problematic) earlier work.

Example of gameplay: "And this enemy of mine - not of yours, apparently - must be getting a dark chuckle, if not and outright horselaugh - out of your vain, childish, self-destructive spectacle. In the name of decency, go home to your parents, you losers. Go back to your mommas' basements and play with your Lords of Warcraft."

Alright, you guys! Have fun! I'll be expecting comments/emails about how these games went over at your dinner party/explanations as to why I wasn't invited to your dinner party!

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